How to heal after a divorce or breakup?
Post-break-up anxiety has also been linked to other negative feelings and behaviors, including the ongoing preoccupation with a former partner, extreme physical and emotional distress, unrealistic and exaggerated efforts to get back together, partner-related sexual motivations (e.g. “revenge sex”), angry and vengeful behavior, and dysfunctional coping strategies.
The pain after a break up can be excruciating and debilitating. So the key is to distract oneself from this situation.
- Stay with people who makes you feel like home: We feel like home either with our family or friends. First phase of recovery is to go to the ones who make you feel like home. When you’re going through a difficult time, you must be connected and supported by the people you love and trust.
Your homes are like health insurance for the spirit. Your friends and family are there to protect you in your darkest times and insure your spirit is safe, sound and healthy. Don’t be afraid to knock on the door and when they open it, lean on them and stay until you feel ready to face the outside again. We all need connection in order to heal because love is the ultimate healer.
- Put a great deal of time and effort in your hobbies: Make love to a hobby. Something that you love, that loves you back. We all have something we love doing that sets us free and pleases us beyond measure. Maybe it’s reading books, yoga, walking, writing, painting, beading, rock climbing—whatever it is, do it a little bit every day, not as a distraction, but as part of your prescription of self love and care. Learn to make your hobbies your habit.
- Learn from your past relationship: Every relationship teaches us something. If we choose to study the lessons from those relationships, the faster we will graduate and move onto the next program. Even a toxic, abusive relationship has a curriculum we can learn from. If we accept the lessons from each of our previous relationships, we will graduate and receive our degree in self-acceptance. We will then be prepared for the world and able to meet a partner who will mirror the love we have for ourselves.
- Plan something to look forward to: Having something on the horizon to plan for, get excited about and anticipate, will help us move forward. It is really important to the healing process. Everyone can plan something, whether it’s a day trip to a nearby town or a big trip somewhere far away.
- Never settle for anything/anyone less than a PERFECT fit.
- Don’t enter into another relationship immediately. It is a completely held belief that jumping into a new relationship before the emotions about a former relationship have been dissolved is a bad idea.
- FINALLY Moving On with your life is always the ultimate solution.
Some of the tips to Moving On are:
- Understand and acknowledge the fact that you’re going to experience a wide range of emotions — and it doesn’t matter if you were the one dumped or if it was you who instigated the break-up.
- Take care of yourself: be sure to get plenty of good quality sleep, eat well, and exercise
- Avoid binge drinking, abusing drugs, and having revenge sex
- Don’t stalk or threaten your ex-partner
- Socialize with others who can provide positive support
- Don’t be afraid to seek professional help to assist you in working through the break-up; as Dr. Xiaomeng says, “there’s no need to isolate yourself and go it alone.”
- It’s normal to not feel like yourself. A loss of self-concept is a natural part of the healing process.
- Engage in writing and speaking activities in which you clearly articulate your deepest thoughts and positive feelings about the relationship that ended.
- If your partner starts dating someone else, give them space and respect the new relationship. As Dr. Lewandowski told me, “it’s important to remember that your former partner is someone you used to care about greatly (and perhaps still do), so you should do what you would for any other friend and wishes him or her best.”
- Give yourself time to heal.